The One Thing Parents Forget to Send to College with their Kids

I was dropping my oldest child off at college and I went through my checklist:

mattress topper,

shower shoes,

enough toothpaste for 4 years,

dining points to last a decade.

He was ready.

Fast forward twelve years after throwing all 4 of my kids in the car to head off to college and working with college students throughout the Providence area, I have realized it is never the shower shoes that get students through. So really what is the most important “thing” to drop your daughter/son off with? Perspective. Drive. Confidence. A vision.

But how do you find these at the age of 18? How do you work through the challenges of a college career, dispelling negative self talk, overcoming obstacles and being successful? Hire a coach. I can only imagine what you are thinking as parents. Are you kidding me? Tuition, room and board are outrageous. I can’t afford one more thing. I never had a coach in college.

Yet, when we look at statistics around college students and anxious thoughts, it’s frightening. According to a report by the American Council on Education in 2021, 78% of college presidents identified mental health as a pressing issue on campus, with anxiety being one of the most common mental health concerns. In a study done by Best Colleges in 2023, 76% of college students experienced moderate to serious psychological distress. In a University of Michigan study, 37% of students reported having anxiety disorders. The scariest part of this picture is these statistics only represent the students that are vocalizing they need help. What about all of the other students suffering in silence? The point is college students need support and guidance and they need it now.

College students are in need of mental health providers but unfortunately, since the pandemic there is a shortage of mental health professionals. Coaches can play a valuable role in helping college students manage anxious thoughts and stress by providing guidance, support and resources. Some practical examples include:

Listening and validating their experiences: Coaches create a safe place for students to share their feelings and concerns, which can help them feel heard and understood.

Teaching coping strategies: Coaches work with students and teach them techniques such as belly breathing, reframing, anxiety reappraisal and brain hacks to help manage their day to day stress.

Encouraging self-care: Coaches assist students in developing daily routines including exercise, a plan to establish healthy sleep, and eating a well balanced diet.

Connecting with additional resources: By establishing a relationship with the student, a coach can keep a pulse on how the student is doing and pull in additional resources if needed like campus counseling, support groups, tutors and any other support.

Setting realistic goals: Coaches work in a partnership with students to create realistic goals with the goal of increasing confidence and holding them accountable to reaching those goals.

Does hiring a coach have any impact on retention rates in college? The answer is yes. In a research project conducted by Stanford Graduate School of Education titled “The Effects of Student Coaching in College: An Evaluation of a Randomized Experiment”, researchers studied the impact of coaching on college student retention rates. The study involved 13,500 students from 8 colleges and universities, who were randomly divided into coached and non coached groups. The research found that students who received one-on-one coaching had higher retention rates and graduation rates compared to those who did not receive coaching, with differences ranging from 4% to 15% at various points of time during their college career.

After launching 4 kids into the college world and witnessing insane amounts of stress and anxiety with each one of them, I wish I had known more about college coaches. My kids needed an independent professional to confide in, to learn from and hold them accountable. Yes, coaches are a big investment but they are an investment that you as a parent will never regret investing in.